Wow!

[carriefann]

Wow, I feel like I just got a kick in my stomach! So.......


This guy, who you guys may have remembered me talking about a couple years ago....the one I had a major, major crush on....I just found out he was gay!! And this whole time, here I am thinking there were no other gays at my high school! Wow! I feel like I really need to sit down right now....


So a couple years ago I first met him at school, and we were pretty good friends.....but oh my God, I had the biggest crush on him! like, it was baaaad. I was dreaming about this guy almost every night for like a year, and I would get so nervous when he was around me! But he wasn't openly gay at school, and i'm not out either, but I'm just like ---!!! You would have no idea that this guy was gay. I'm just in shock right now, but i'm so....relieved, I guess? Glad?

Holy crap! This really changes things for me.....I held back my feelings for him for two years, because I could have sworn up and down he was straight! But I just found out he was gay...holy crap. What do you guys think I should do?

I consider this dude to be, like my first "major crush"....I daresay I even fell in love with him. My head is just spinning right now! What should I do?? My hands are just shaking right now. This is definitely eye opening for me! This is like, my biggest dream come true! I always secretly wished at the back of my mind, please let him be gay! And it was a pretty far off shot....I can't even breathe!! But....it looks like he's in a relationship with some other guy! Damn, I'm just having a mini stroke right now!

This whole time, this guy, who's incredibly sweet (and hot, oh my God!).....he was so nice to me, and that whole time, for a year, I kept my feelings bottled up....it's just a rush right now! I can't believe this! Someone help me; I thought i was over this guy, finally at last, and now I just see this.....I'm freaking out!

 

[carriefann]

holy crap! You guys can pm me your advice if you want....I'm just shaking right now! I can't believe this!

 

[carriefann]

Somebody please reply! I've been freaking out for an hour now! I'm really confused about how I feel - !! I'm having a meltdown right now!

 

[carriefann]

This is so insane! And i'm sorry you guys have to see me freak out like this, but there's no one to talk to right now! It's 12 am......holy crap!

I haven't talked to him in 2 years.....part of me wants to cry, part of me wants to scream. It's ironic and cruel, really. I'm 2 years too late in finding this out!!! Ughhhh....

And what about this guy that he's with?? God I really think I love him. I haven't stopped thinking about him for 2 years, and I'm looking back and thinking about all these telltale signs...he was so sweet to me.....why didn't I see this???? Now I feel like i've lost my shot with him! I cried the day he graduated.....and that was a year ago.....i thought I was finally, at last, over him....now this!

Uggh......what do i do!! Should I text him or send him a message or what?? It almost feels like a "speak now or forever hold your peace" moment! You guys have to understand....it feels like I'm in a dream right now. This is all I ever wanted, except I'm too late, and he has a guy. And obviously he's openly out....oh my God! I hate to say it, but this is what I've been praying for all these years...except its all backwards!

 

[carriefann]

And, by the way, it has been confirmed that he is gay. I saw it on Facebook; in his relationship status, and he has pictures with his boyfriend....they have been together for a while now.....then I asked a friend if it was true, and they said yes.

I'm pacing back and forth..I need to sleep. Crying my eyes out right now, probably wont sleep at all tonight!

 

[oldyfan]

I hope you feel better about the situation looking back tomorrow. Try and get a good nights sleep. Take care of you.

 

[rosie08]

Well atleast you know now and you can move on. I know that doesn't help with the shock and love pain. but I swear there is someone out there for you. hang in there sweetie!!! you will find alot of diappointments in life when it comes to love. as my Grandma said to me pick your self up dust yourself off and go on your way!! I know easier said then done.

 

[clh_hilary]

Sorry for the delayed response.

Oh poor you! You must be feeling pretty devastating right now. Well, at least now you know that you can try to move on from him, to find someone else.

Loving somebody doesn't equate having the need to have somebody, it's about letting him/her happy. So if you really do love him, perhaps you can try to see it this way, and be happy for him that he's having someone he cares for and has a happy life right now. But for you, I think it just depends on how you feel. You can message him if you want to, of course, I doubt it'll affect his relationship or him, but it could potentially be a relief for you, to finally throw it out after all those years. You could very well be making this message sounds like a chit-chat or something, trying to just laugh it off, like, Oh I just realize that you're gay and in a relationship! haha I actually have a crush on you for 2 years! Guess I'll have to chase after somebody else. If he's being sweet and nice to you, he should respond appropriately, and that shouldn't embarrassed you too much either 'cuz it can very well be passed off as a joke. But what I think is you should think about the purpose to message him -- What do you want from this action? And think about, whether this could lead to your desirable outcomes.

Hope this helps.

 

[carriefann]

Hey guys, I'm up. I went to bed about 2, lol. Wow, looking back I was really freaking out last night! I'm thinking a little bit more clearly now.

So it's not like we're super close friends; after all, I haven't heard from him in 2 years. And it looks like he and this guy have been in a relationship for a while, not 2 years but a while. But I was really crazy about this guy. If I had to describe in one word, I would just say 'cool'. He's so hard to describe; he's hilarious, he kept me laughing for a year! He's incredibly intelligent (we're talking near genius). And he had the most amazing brown eyes.....God, it took me all this time to finally get over him, and now I feel like now that I know this it's going to take 2 more years to get over him! You would have never guessed he was gay....it's still a shock right now. I want to throw up, and hit something hard, because I tortured myself. I was so afraid he would find out that I liked him, and now finding this out..I feel like maybe if I would have said something, we would've been something.

But now that I'm looking back, I really can't say if what I'm feeling is love, because I don't know what that feels like! I was 16, he's a year older than me. At 16, can anyone really know what love is? And even at 18, do I still really know what love is? I'm not sure. I'm just really conflicted about my feelings now.


Part of me wants to be happy for him. I'm happy to see that he's got a job, going to school, and his boyfriend looks very nice, and handsome, and I'm sure they're happy together.....I'm glad he can be openly out finally and be in the really good place that he's in now.

But part of me is just really bitter, and regretful. I always told myself, God if I have just had the chance to love this guy, if he was somehow gay, I swear I would hold onto him and never let him go, and I would do everything to make him happy! And obviously it just wasn't meant to be. And it just sucks, knowing that he's out there, and this guy has him to hold....this guy is getting everything I ever wanted.

And I can't be some homewrecker, barging in from 2 years ago and expecting this guy to love me....and there's a chance that he doesn't even feel the same way. I'd be risking an awful lot on something that most likely won't even happen. I'm not openly out; he is. That's a problem right there. I can't risk getting thrown out my house, having my future completely ripped out from under me, especially when I'm about to go to college....all for the sake of this one guy, who has a boyfriend. It's just insane.

This really sucks, and i'm just thinking out loud here. I appreciate you guys being on here to support me in whatever way. But it's this kind of sh** that makes gay kids want to kill themselves, because if being gay wasn't such a stigma now, then there would have been no problem with me coming out, or him being out at the time. I just wish I would've known.

I swear to God my teenage years have been the worst years of my life! Fml.

2 songs to describe how I feel right now would be 'Someone Like You' and 'Teardrops on my Guitar'. Wow, that's really sad.

 

[robinannhunt]

The teenage years are the most difficult in life, probably.

 

[Cps235]

You got to remember that you are indeed still in high school. Many guys & girls have their own time in accepting their own truth & embrace being "out".

Well, since now you know for sure that he is gay and you guys have been friends for a while, it wouldn't hurt if you told him how you feel. I think that he would appreciate the fact that someone is attracted to him. If you continue to keep this inside, it is going to eat you alive. I feel once you tell him, you will be relieved that he knows how you feel. Just don't expect him to leave the guy he is currently with.

 

[Cps235]

Also, remember this is just high school. You are going to meet other guys! I know how you feel being this is your first real crush but trust me when I say that once you go to college & life your life for yourself, you will see that there are many other fishes in the sea

 

[clh_hilary]

Good to know you're feeling better!

 

[jbrown]

I hope the shock is slowly going away and the truth is sinking in bit by bit. It is an emotional time for you this time but this one will pass too. Let everything sink in and do some reflections before you make your move. Allow yourself to calm down so you can decide what to do about your feelings and what to say to him or how to deal about this situation. In time you will be able to tell him how you used to feel towards him and how shocking to find out that he is gay. and be able to wish him luck on his new found love. Once you said your peace then you have peace of mind of your own and able to move forward. For now, it's ok to grieve for a lost dream and be sad about it.Cry if you feel like it and be mad if you want to. It will get easier as time goes by. But you will always remember these feelings and that's ok too. You will be fine and you will survive and you will learn to accept and move on. So many good things ahead for you. i wish you all the best.

 

[carrieidol1]

Steal him!!!





Maybe try to rekindle any kind of relationship, ask to go out to lunch or something. Tell him his partner is invited to make it look as if your intention is nothing more then to rekindle the friendship. Talk about old times, fun times, and how you had no clue... etc... This may or may not spark something in him, but it's worth a try.